Various Artists

VH1 Classic: The Cuts

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VH1 Classic: The Cuts is a collection of 16 pop tunes demographically engineered to appeal directly to the processing centers inside the brains of VH1 Classic's viewers. It's the perfect crime. Under the guise of memorable, hummable tunes like the La's' "There She Goes" and Michael Penn's "No Myth," the evil geniuses at VH1 will gain access to the impressionable pineal glands of mid-level professionals everywhere. Once the grunt work is accomplished, largely with the wistful, good-timing groove of Steve Winwood's "Back in the High Life Again" and Toad the Wet Sprocket's poignant "Walk on the Ocean," VH1 will auction space on its pineal foothold to advertisers and multi-national corporations. These groups will salivate at the thought of a one-way conduit into the buying power of VH1's demographic, and will no doubt heave handfuls of cash in the network's direction. To ensure that this lucrative agreement continues, VH1 Classic: The Cuts will continue to sate its listeners with the soothing sounds of Annie Lennox's "No More 'I Love You's'" and the crooning, blue-eyed soul of Simply Red's Mick Hucknall. The plan will go off without a hitch, so long as none of the network's newly minted automatons run into Chris Barron at the coffeehouse where he works.

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