Ten Songs For Valentine's Day Haters
Feb. 13, 2024
For some people, February 14th is an opportunity to buy chocolate and teddy bears, wear pink, and plaster their social media with mildly irritating collages of their significant other. But some people might be feeling down about their single status or a recent breakup, annoyed by the rampant commercialism of a day supposedly dedicated to love, or just in a cynical mood. If any of the above sound like you, you may appreciate this compilation of "anti-Valentine" songs, best enjoyed on February 15th while eating all the leftover half-price candy.
"Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" - The Smiths
The band that practically invented melancholy is the perfect way to start off this list. Johnny Marr's intricate guitar wraps around Morrissey's rich, mournful voice as he dramatically laments every little thing wrong with his life, including two lovers just living their life in his vicinity. (We've all been there.) When you feel like sinking into the blues and indulging in a touch of superiority because you don't like Valentine’s Day and that makes you special, "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" is there for you.
"Crush Culture" - Conan Gray
Heartfelt indie-pop artist Conan Gray expresses his frustration with the modern dating scene via tongue-in-cheek lyrics and infectious cotton-candy instrumentals. "All this love is suffocating/Just let me be sad and lonely" he begs before launching into the chorus. In the music video, Gray viciously ruins the dates of happy couples as he kicks and jumps through the hallways of a high school. "Crush Culture" is a cute yet cathartic scrutiny of contemporary romance for anyone who is sick and tired of hearts and roses, already.
"Heartless" - The Weeknd
Kicking off with a hypnotizing beat, this song is an anti-Valentine anthem from the title alone. The Weeknd raps about fame and indulgence with a bravado that bears an edge of despondence, declaring that "all this money and this pain got me heartless" as though he's trying to convince himself more than anyone else. The facade briefly breaks in the bridge as he admits "I don’t do well when alone," before returning to his confident assertions. "Heartless" embodies the complexity of emotion that can come along with Valentine's Day in a raw and personal expression.
"Ur Mum" - Wet Leg
Wet Leg are refreshingly biting and funny in this condemnation of a former lover, with vocalist Rhian Teasdale pronouncing between choruses that she’s been "practicing her longest and loudest scream" before demonstrating over chugging guitar and light backup vocals. The track candidly denies any desire or need for an ex in a playful, empowering manner that makes it a joy to listen to, even if Valentine's Day has put you in a sour mood.
"That's What You Get" - Paramore
Pop-punk icons Paramore pound out a defiant aspersion of romance led by Hayley Williams' fierce, arresting voice in "That's What You Get". Electric guitar and drums explode as Williams belts, "Why do we like to hurt so much?" and concludes that following your heart can only end in pain. Never has such a pessimistic view had such a fun sound.
"Maneater" - Hall & Oates
If you're sick of all the true love and commitment that Valentine's Day signifies, you can enjoy a song about the exact opposite with "Maneater", a funky trumpet-filled tune about a woman who manipulates men to get what she wants; "Money’s the matter/If you’re in it for love, you ain’t gonna get too far," croons Daryl Hall. The irresistible bass line and expressive sax in concert with Hall's smooth, stirring vocals paint a picture of power, greed, and seduction.
"Better By Myself" - Hey Violet
A sinuous bass line snakes through the opening of this liberated post-breakup tune, accented by lively drum beats, before Hey Violet frontwoman Rena Lovelis begins enumerating every problem with her ex and celebrating the freedom of singleness. "Better By Myself" is catchy and filled with a palpable euphoria and relief that you can't help but absorb.
"Tainted Love" - Soft Cell
This eighties classic by British new wave duo Soft Cell is a synthy dance hit, but upon closer listening, it is very much an anti-love song as well. Like the original R&B version by Gloria Jones, "Tainted Love" focuses on a toxic and complicated relationship from which the speaker is trying desperately to escape. The sharp drumbeats and metallic double clap throughout the song embody the pain of the story being told, while the mellifluous synths and catchy keyboard make it tough to get out of your head.
"Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye
Gotye and Kimbra's 2011 collaboration is beguiling and heart-wrenching, with soft but determined vocals in each verse building to passionate laments about the way a former partner has erased their memories together. The simple but unique arrangement of the instrumental, including xylophone and bongos, and Gotye's earnest background vocals create an incredibly emotional piece about the less-discussed aftermath of a breakup.
"Why'd You Come In Here Lookin' Like That" - Dolly Parton
By far the most upbeat anti-Valentine song on this list, country goddess Parton delivers a foot-stomping grievance about missing an ex-boyfriend who's making it very hard for her to get over him. "Here comes my baby, draggin' my heart behind/He’s drivin' me crazy, who says love is blind?" She warbles over lively banjo and fiddle, making it impossible not to identify with her funny, honest style and lyrics.
So if February 14th rolls around and you don't feel like joining the masses in doing silly things like going on dates and buying flowers that are just going to wilt anyways, you can spend a peaceful day on your couch doing far better and cooler activities, such as checking out these songs.