Various Artists

American Song-Poem Christmas

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In a masterful follow-up to their first collection of American song-poems, Do You Know the Difference Between Big Wood and Brush?, Bar-None has gathered the "best" of the holiday season. If you didn't know, American Song-Poems were the product of conniving production companies who offered burgeoning songsmiths (read: anyone) a chance to have their lyrics professionally set to music and recorded (for an up-front fee, of course). As you might expect, the lyrics are heartfelt, usually amateurish, and generally awful. The musical aspect is actually quite surprising: not that it's great, but that the creators are actually able to construct a musical setting that really serves the song, bad as it may be. The songs range from the innocuous ("Christmas Treat, Peppermint") to the questionable ("Daddy, Is Santa Really Six Foot Four?") to the ridiculous ("The Rocking Disco Santa Claus", "Santa Came on a Nuclear Missile"), but all were offered with the serious intention of creating the next classic Christmas song. Now that Bar-None has made these tunes available again, perhaps one of them will be. Then again, perhaps not. This is the perfect holiday offering for your favorite Christmas curmudgeon, or anyone else who is totally burnt out on holiday spirit and your average overplayed Christmas favorites.

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